The Cure
by highmaintenance
Summary: Wilson tries to think up ways to get rid of House's persistent hiccups. Oneshot. HW slash.


**DISCLAIMER: I don't own House...no matter how much I'd like to tie him up and do naughty things to him ;)**

**Okay so basically, hiccups amuse me. And House amuse me. So I gave House the hiccups lol. **

**This was looked over by my friend Lisa on Live Journal and she tweaked it to perfection!**

**Oh and this is slash in case you didn't read the summary so if this bothers you don't go any further. Flames are pointless and stupid. I am gay, ergo I take offence to gay bashing.**

**Okay so read and review please!**

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'Dr Wilson?' 

Wilson looked up at Chase with a slight frown on his face. He had just started on the mountain of paperwork that had multiplied on his desk and he really wasn't in the mood to deal with House's crap.

'What has House done now?' Wilson asked, without missing a beat.

Chase stepped tentatively into the office and shut the door quietly. Wilson's blood pressure immediately rose. Either House had done something morally and legally disruptive, or there was something wrong with him.

Wilson put his pen down and rubbed the ink off the side of his hand. _Sometimes being left-handed sucks,_ he thought idly.

'What's wrong, Chase? You look worried.'

'House has been in his office all morning.'

Wilson sat patiently waiting for the punch line. When it didn't come, he gave Chase a prompting glance. 'And?'

Chase shrugged. 'And that's it. He hasn't moved from his office all morning.' He paused. 'Did you two have an argument? I…just want to know he's alright.' Chase blushed at his admission.

Wilson shook his head and got up from his desk. 'I'll find out what's wrong.'

Chase flashed a smile. 'Cheers, Wilson.'

Wilson opted to go through the hallway rather than the balcony route, if only to give the Ducklings a reassuring glance. Although Wilson suspected that neither Foreman nor Cameron would be sitting around Diagnostics. A quick glance into the conference room confirmed Wilson's suspicions. The only evidence that it was occupied was a Sodoku puzzle; half completed in Chase's neat hand writing.

House was lying on the floor behind his desk, iPod blasting so loud that Wilson could hear the lyrics to _Bat Outta Hell_ perfectly.

Wilson approached House and kicked his left ankle to get his attention. House started and pulled the small white plugs from his ears.

'What the hell do you _-hic-_ want?'

To Wilson's surprise, House blushed.

'Chase said you've been here all morning. He was worried, so he asked me to check on you.'

House raised a bemused eyebrow, hiccuped and swiped a hand down his unshaven face.

'That stupid blonde kookaburra should learn to mind his own _–hic-_ business.'

'So he cares, at least one of your fellows does.' Wilson put his hands on his hips and sighed. 'So is anything actually wrong?'

House rolled his eyes and stood up. 'Well, aside from the fact that _–hic-_ even though I'm a world renowned diagnostician, I can't get rid _–hic-_ of my own hiccups, I'm fine.'

Wilson chuckled. 'You've got the hiccups, so what? You of all people should know that they'll go away eventually.'

House frowned. 'It's _–hic-_ been two hours. It's fucking annoying. I've already _–hic-_ choked on two Vicodin.'

Wilson patted his lover's arm in jest. 'You poor dear, how _will_ you survive the morning?'

House swatted him away. 'If you're not _–hic-_ gonna contribute anything useful then go a_-hic-_way.

'I'll go get you a glass of water.'

'Tried it.'

'Sugar?'

'Yep.'

'Breathing into a paper-'

'Yes! I also sat on my head which _–hic-_ is not easy for a cripple; held my breath, _-hic-_ and jerked off.'

Wilson winced. 'There is such thing as sharing too much you know.'

'You've seen it, you've touched it, you've sucked _–hic-_ it. You've even had it up your arse and you still _–hic-_ cringe when I mention masturbation.'

'I could scare you.' Wilson suggested lamely.

'The scariest thing about you is that _–hic-_ you actually paid money for that tie.'

'Okay now you're just being bitchy. I have a tonne of work on my desk and I don't have time for this. Just…I dunno, go torture some clinic patients. Tell a child you've had the hiccups for three months, anything.'

House arranged a mock thoughtful expression that was slightly marred by his hiccups. 'Gee, as inviting as that _–hic- _sounds, I think I'll pass.'

Wilson shrugged. 'Suit yourself. Would you like me to get you a soda or something?'

'Oh yes, carbonated beverages are the _–hic-_ perfect way to get rid of hiccups,' House replied sarcastically.

Wilson put his hands up in defence. 'Hey, only trying to help.'

House hiccuped again and swore under his breath, a distinctly miserable expression evident on his face. 'I'm only asking this be_-hic-_cause I'm desperate but…how do you get rid of yours?'

'I hold my breath for about two minutes. Works like a charm ninety percent of the time.'

'I held mine for three.'

Wilson chuckled which caused House to knock him upside the head.

'Hey!'

'_-hic- _Don't laugh at my pain!' House yelled in a mocking tone.

'You know…I get five year old clinic patients more mature than you.'

House hiccuped, scowling at Wilson, before sticking out his tongue to prove just how immature he could be. Neither man spoke for a few moments after that, the silence permeated only by House's hiccups which were still strong, coming every ten to fifteen seconds.

Then, without warning, Wilson grabbed House roughly, shoved him up against the wall and kissed him hard. House was taken completely by surprise but kissed Wilson back nonetheless; lips and tongue fighting to claim as much of his lover's mouth as possible.

There was not an inch of space between the two and Wilson could feel House's chest contract when he hiccuped. This just made his kisses more insistent. Wilson purposely tried to deny House air, just enough to stifle the hiccups. Hot, wet passionate kisses were reciprocated with gusto and House began raking his fingers through Wilson's hair.

Wilson could feel House's erection through his pants, was just about to reach down and grasp it, when someone cleared their throat across the room. Both men looked sheepishly in the direction of the conference room and saw Foreman standing in the doorway, a completely flabbergasted expression on his face. Without a single word, Foreman turned around and walked straight back out again. Whatever he had to tell House could obviously wait until later.

There was a ten second pause in which House and Wilson separated from each other and House burst into hysterical laughter.

Wilson crossed his arms indignantly. 'House, how can you find this amusing?'

House clutched at his stomach with his left hand and grabbed for his cane with the other. 'Are you kidding? Did you see the look on his face? It was priceless. Besides…we had to come out sooner or later.'

Wilson sighed. 'I would have preferred later.'

House chuckled again. 'Well, I assume the reason you pinned me against the wall was to get rid of my hiccups?'

'It worked?'

House rolled his eyes. 'Obviously…I haven't hiccuped in almost five minutes.'

'Well don't thank me or anything.'

House fixed Wilson with an obscene leer. 'Oh I will…you'll just have to wait until we get home.'

END

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**Okay well, review good citizens!**

**Until next time, Abyssinia!**

**Lucy**


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